Here’s a riddle for you. What’s something your child can’t see, can’t touch and can’t hear, yet it’s there -- every time she looks in the mirror, talks about herself, or (maybe most importantly) talks to herself.  If you guessed self-esteem give yourself a pat on the back.

So what exactly is self-esteem? The word “esteem” means to value. Simply put, self-esteem means to value yourself.

Self Esteem

Here’s a riddle for you. What’s something your child can’t see, can’t touch and can’t hear, yet it’s there -- every time she looks in the mirror, talks about herself, or (maybe most importantly) talks to herself.  If you guessed self-esteem give yourself a pat on the back.

So what exactly is self-esteem? The word “esteem” means to value. Simply put, self-esteem means to value yourself. 

Having good self-esteem is important for anyone – but especially for children. Positive self-esteem is what gives kids the ability to believe in themselves and the courage to try new things. It sets the stage for increased learning, improved self-respect, greater resilience to face difficulties and better decision-making.

Nobody is born with self-esteem. A new baby doesn’t think highly or poorly of himself.  He doesn’t think, “Man, I’m good!” after a big burp or “I’m can’t sit up like everyone else. I just can’t do anything right.” Instead, people around the child help mould his self-esteem as he grows.

As a parent, you are the biggest influence on your child’s self-esteem -- especially in the early years. Being intentional about helping your children develop positive self-esteem is one of the best things you can do to help them succeed in school and in life.

The number one way to boost your child’s self-esteem is to make sure she knows she is important and loved unconditionally. A simple, but powerful, way to help children feel loved and important is to talk to them and spend time with them. Try playing some talking games by asking questions like “What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you?” “What’s the worst thing?”  “If you could be anything in the world what would it be?” Be prepared to talk about your dreams too.

Giving your child your full attention when listening not only helps him feel important but also teaches good listening skills that will help him succeed in the future.

Positive self-esteem and self-respect go hand in hand. In order for kids to respect themselves and others, they need to know that what they think, feel and do is important. One of the best ways to teach your child to respect herself is to show her respect.

We show kids respect when we listen carefully to what they have to say and seriously consider their opinions. If you disagree with something your child is saying or doing, talk about how YOU feel about it rather than using statements like “you are” or “you always,” which can make you sound critical or judgemental.

Try not to expect your children to accomplish more than what is reasonable and appropriate for their age. Praise your kids for trying and be encouraging when they are coping with new or frustrating situations. Someone once told me that praise is a lot like peanut butter – kids know when it’s the real thing and when we’re laying it on too thick. 

Self-esteem should be a family affair. Try developing a family creed that carves in stone (or at least on paper) how you treat each other. Put downs – even jokes – can hurt and damage a child’s self esteem. As a family, discuss what you say that hurts. Be willing to listen and accept the feedback.

And as a parent, take time to nurture your own self-esteem. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, there’s no way to be a perfect parent but many ways to be a good one.